What were you taught about sex?
I wasn’t taught anything about it either.
The opening words to this book immediately caught my attention. I’m not quite on the 50 something side of the room, but I’m a long way down the hall from barely legal. What was I taught about my sex life as I age? Ha. Ha. About the same amount I was taught about sex at puberty. Let’s just say, good thing there are publishing houses like Cleis Press around. Sex is worth nurturing at any age and this book, filled with clear, understandable information is an excellent read for making sure you enjoy an entire lifetime’s worth of great sex. Joan Price has an attitude that’s equal parts sexy and spicy and I want to be just like her when I come around that corner.
Getting Your Mojo Back
I used to be eager for sex, easily aroused. My desire dipped after menopause and now barely exists. I can go weeks or more without desiring sex or thinking much about it. The funny thing is, if I get started, I like it, but it’s so hard to get in the mood.
The number one sex problem that I hear from women is the lack of desire for sex. They do still enjoy sex once they get started, they tell me, but they’re seldom in the mood ahead of time. It isn’t just a problem for women—many men also report decreased desire—but for women, it’s the primary complaint. The problem is that if we wait for the mood and don’t make sexual pleasure a priority, we’ll rarely have sex.
There are lots of reasons that you may be feeling decreased desire, but let’s cut to a solution that works first, and figure out the reasons afterward: instead of waiting for the mood, start getting yourself sexually aroused—on your own, with a partner, or with a vibrator. Just do it. The physiological arousal will trigger the emotional desire. That’s the opposite of the way it used to work! When we were younger, our hormone-induced sex drive bombarded our brain and body with desire—especially during our most fertile times. This was simple biology. A glance, a thought, a murmur, a fantasy, or a touch sparked the mood. Once in the mood, we opened ourselves to the pleasures of physiological arousal. We got turned on, our arousal built, and we crashed joyously into orgasm. But now, this all works the other way around. Instead of waiting forever for the mood to strike, we can induce the mood by letting ourselves get physiologically aroused as the first step. Arousal will lead to mood and desire, instead of vice versa. Here are your new mantras:
• Desire follows action.
• Use it, don’t lose it.
• Just do it.
“You may have just saved my marriage,” a woman told me after I gave this suggestion at a presentation. Try it—you may feel the same!
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD OF WAITING TO BE IN THE MOOD
I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to approach our sexuality in this new way: Relax, start getting physically aroused, emotional arousal will happen, and voila, we’ll be in the mood. So the key is to commit to regular sex, partnered or solo. How does this translate to real life? Here are some tips:
• Schedule sex dates with your partner and/or with yourself.
• Create rituals with your partner that signal sex would be welcome.
• Allow plenty of time for warm up.
• Make sex a habit. The more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it.
FROM THE BACK COVER:
Sex Information Your Doctor Doesn’t Tell You
In this definitive guide to great senior sex, Joan Price will help you deepen your pleasure for a lifetime. The myth that aging bodies have an expiration date when it comes to sex is just plain wrong. Sex may change with the challenges of aging, but for every problem, there is a solution. The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty offers clear and reliable information, helpful tips and thoughtful interviews that disclose what works for real people—couples, singles and the widowed, across all orientations. Whether you currently have a vibrant sex life or an unfulfilling one that you’d like to improve, this book will be a real resource for you now and through the years ahead.
Everything you need to know about:
•Loss of libido
•Dating later in life
•Loss of intimacy
•Friends with benefits