This book was given to me and I felt a little bit out of place holding it in my chubby little hands. A book to spice up long term relationships in reach of notorious commitment-phobe (cough, cough) me? What would I do with it? My relationships, as a rule, last six months or less. If I don’t get constant new stimulation I get bored and wander off and even the pictures in this book, although very pretty, only show one couple in one outfit through all 262 pages.
But maybe this book is exactly what a woman like me needs. It reminds its readers to never give up on the things we enjoy about budding new relationships — the kissing, the flirting, and the dating in general. Don’t have time for all this? Well, if you want it bad enough, like anything else, you’ll find the time. I love the essence of this book, to always remember what it’s like to play with your partner, and never stop doing that. After reading this, I might try a little harder next time to see if I can make my next relationship last longer.
Intercourse literally means communication. Certainly, as a couple, you can speak volumes to one another through the intimate act without ever uttering a word, though you’ll want to speak up at least once in a while, if only to tell him, “A little to the left.”
In terms of finding time for it, let’s be honest, given your hectic schedules, sometimes a quickie is all you can fit in, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s certainly better than putting sex off until some magical time when you’re both in the mood and you have hours to spend fondling, kissing, and taking each other to inexplicably blissful heights.
Besides, what could be more boring and predictable than having sex for the same length of time every time? Sometimes the spontaneity of a quickie is just the kind of sexual shot in the arm you both need. That’s right, contrary to common belief, guys aren’t the only ones who like quickies. Women love them, too. A good quickie has an element of excitement and surprise. It says that you feel so overcome with passion you just can’t wait. What’s not to love about that? Unfortunately, because of all the pressure to spend time on foreplay, a lot of guys feel guilty about quickies. Maybe that’s part of the problem. If you’re sneaking something guiltily, you’ll probably seem guilty, and that will just annoy her. Occasionally she wants you to do away with the trimmings, pin her against the hall table and get right down to business. No guilt.
When you do have time for a longer session that doesn’t involve stopwatches and hall furniture, there’s plenty you can do to keep intercourse electrifying and inspired that still doesn’t require a lot of time or effort: A different thrust, a new position, an unfamiliar setting or maybe a sex toy are all uncomplicated ways to throw some new fuel onto the fire.
With a nice variety of intercourse options to choose from, you’ll have something to suit every mood and time constraint. Just as learning new recipes makes you more excited about cooking, adding new items to your sex menu will get you more excited and drive you to make time for it, be it a lunchtime quickie or a drawn-out romantic affair complete with orgasms all around.
TIME to PLAY
Five Minutes or Less
Quick and Clean
Sex in the shower is a time-strapped couple’s, um, wet dream. Showering together saves time and water (so you’re doing your bit for the planet, too!), and because you have to finish before the hot water runs out, you get right down to business. Cleanup is easy. Oh, and the sight of water splashing down your darling’s naked body as you get it on is pretty fricking hot, too. Soap her breasts for a hot visual and some sexy caressing. Use your slippery wet hands to stroke him to erection. The trickiest part of the shower is finding a workable position that won’t land both of you on your soapy butts. If she’s flexible and your heights match up, she can bend over at the waist and brace herself against the floor of the shower, the edge of the tub or the wall as you enter her from behind. Alternately, if you can lift her, she can lean back against the wall and wrap her legs around your waist as you enter her. Or, depending on the size of your shower/tub, you may be able to lie down and have her get on top and ride you as the water rushes over your bodies.
This One’s for the Ladies
More often than not, quickies result in an orgasm … for him. Which is not to say she doesn’t enjoy them too, but let’s be honest, it’s hard to come when you’re pinned against a shower stall, right girls? Make this quickie for her. Once you’re inside her, circle a bullet vibrator around her clitoris until she gets close to orgasm. Tell her to signal when she’s about to come: She can squeeze your butt, bite your shoulder, sing the national anthem, whatever works for her. As she’s climaxing, start thrusting through her orgasm until you come too (or not — remember, this one’s for her).
Sit down together and dream up a list of possible quickie locations and scenarios. Don’t limit yourselves to possibilities at home; also consider ideas out in the world (see “Playbook H: Quickie Locations” on page 167 for ideas). On a piece of blank paper or cardboard, draw a grid that looks like a bingo card. Enter your quickies from the list in each square and start working to fill up the card. When you fill out a line, celebrate with a Longie. Full card? Start a new one!
Josey Vogels is one of Canada’s leading experts on sex and relationships, with two wildly popular blogs, My Messy Bedroom and Dating Girl. She writes for The Huffington Post and Balance.My.Life.ca and is regularly featured on radio and TV. Her other books include Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy and The Secret Language for Girls. She lives in Toronto.